pre-internship orientation

tyler and i spent the past two days at our high school with our cooperating teacher. i wasn't sure what to expect coming in to the school... part of that is because it's a new school that i've never really been in (minus the gym) with new staff, new students - a whole new world, really. part of that is because i'm still trying to figure out if i'm in the right vocation. i've been feeling really discouraged about that lately. really discouraged.

day one - tuesday, march 15

today was a hard day for me because, as i said above, i've been questioning a lot lately whether teaching is really what i want to do. my first two days at johnson really allowed me to explore that in greater detail. partly because i had a lot of time to think, talk with tyler and my coop and other teachers and partly because i'm sitting in a school, thinking about actually being a teacher there, and wondering what it will be like.

i have to admit, at times it was boring to sit and watch. it felt kind of overwhelming, too. rhonda is such a good teacher. she makes it look easy. she's a good teacher because she's engaging - i noticed that each student that came into the room, she addressed by name, asked them how they were doing and often offered another question to enquire about some aspect of their lives. the kids like her. it's obvious. they banter with her a little bit, but when it comes down to it - she's got them.

so as i watched i really questioned. do i really want to do this? can i even do this? will i be any good at it? right now i feel like i won't be! i decided to really think about WHY i'm questioning. i think the biggest reason is because i know many teachers, some of them are first and second year teachers that are my friends, and lots of them are hating their lives. they're hating going to school, always feeling behind and trying to figure out how to manage their class and teach the material. woof. there have to be better situations out there! that does NOT sound like fun. so i set out to ask a few of the teachers at johnson whether they like teaching.


day two - wednesday, march 16

i ran into two of my former high school teachers today. one actually asked me why on earth i was getting into teaching - didn't i have good marks in high school?? go into something else! (wow, in front of students in her class... yikes!). the second teacher - same kind of thing. the kids this, the school board that, teaching this... not enough time, no money, no resources. at this point i'm starting to respond that, well i have a business degree so i can do whatever when i'm done. lots of open doors. . another teacher i popped in on. "well, if i could go back, i would have gone into something else. too many hours. not enough money. just too much work." eek!

panic is beginning to set in.

thankfully rhonda had a spare in 4th and i had a chance to pose the same question to her. she responded with "do you think i like teaching?". good response! but honestly, my radar was so off and i was feeling so negative, that i didn't really know what to say, other than, "i THINK you do, but i'm not totally sure. i'm so messed up from all the negative things i'm hearing about it!".

her answer broke through the darkness. "i love teaching, because i love the kids."

REFRESHING.

and that's why i want to be a teacher. because i want to spend time with those kids. i want to get to know them, build positive relationships with them and help them to become wiser, more educated, smarter individuals that believe in themselves and their dreams more than they did before they entered my classroom for the semester.

i proceeded to pick rhonda's brain on a handful of other things. i have to admit, the prep, the lesson planning, the delivery of a good lesson. that all scares me a little. if i could just skip to the interactions with the kids, that'd be great! but that's not how it works and these next few years of my journey are going to be about me figuring that process out so that i'm enough of an 'expert' at it that i can focus on the kids - not on my nerves, whether i know the material, differentiation, learning styles, etc.etc. not that i'll be able to cease thinking about those things, but they'll become more second nature. man, i'm looking forward to that day tho!

rhonda talked about having a good support system - a mentor teacher in your building. and having a good 'home life' so that you don't bring that junk to the classroom with you. she said it's hard for her to turn her brain off at the end of the day - because she takes the kids and their problems with her even when she's at home. another teacher popped by (another bus ed one!) and she echoed rhonda's love of teaching. yes, there are hard days, but she cares about the kids. it seems like that makes all the difference.

rhonda's big on trust. you have to get the kids to trust you. you need to know the material and establish your expectations right off the bat. and trust has to be earned. it cannot be taken.

the past few days have been so enlightening for me. i would say that i've taken my own little personal journey while the rest of the school's been going on around me.

next week i start a 4 day rotation of databases in IP 30. the following week i'll do the start of a unit in accounting 10.

i'm thinking about keeping things simple, when it comes to my approach to teaching, because that's what i need right now. i'm going to be dedicating a lot of time the next few weeks to learning the material as best i can so that when it comes to teaching, it's second nature and i can focus more on other things. we'll see how it goes!